Slipping

I had it under control, the beast lurking inside of me. I found chains to hold it back and ways to avoid it trying to get out. The only people with access to it were my family, and of course one of them has to coax the monster into a rage again. I was past this, I don't want this anger, I must find a way to be rid of it in a non-violent manner

That's it!

Why didn't I think about this before, it's perfect, it requires no self harm and yet it is the perfect method to make myself free from societies confines while still trying to help in purifying it. Sure it involves a combination of two things that common people look upon as either impossible or crazy but in the end we're all crazy right?

Big Boss-man

Run, run, as fast as you can

I'll never let up fighting the man

He takes the form of things you know

From work, or school, and the average joe

There's one thing that's hard to get

And no one has got it yet

Why do people just stand still

Against a foe who you can kill?

He bashes and bites and stomps and crunches

But the people just stand by as he munches

You'll never get an opinion on this from me

I'll be safe inside a mental facility

What's the point?

I'm really confused, I don't know why I'm writing here, nobody has ever or will ever read it and say anthing about it. Maybe that's a good thing, I mean with my luck it would probably be some jerk who just starts saying bad stuff about me. But seriously life is freakin' stupid, one day will be awesome and you will be super happy you were born, other days you will be pissed your folks even had you in the first place and want to jump off a bridge. So I look at it this way, I believe in heaven, however I believe that heaven is not a place where your soul goes off to, I think it is a place that your brain creates so that it seems like you are in the greatest place of all. The whole thing about you have to be good to go to heaven isn't necessarily true, you could be a really bad person, think you are doing good and when you die your brain will create a place with all the things you love. I don't want to die, but I don't really care if I live either. I went to a college today, had them talk about how you have to have done this many things to even be thought of for attendence, I couldn't help but thinking about that saying "If you want something bad enough, you'll get it" That's total BS. I badly want to go to college, I badly want a girlfriend, I badly want to have a good life. Well that's how I know it's bullshit, every college I even think is remotely a good fit for me either turns out to be some goddamned stoner haven or to pompous to accept a writer. Every girl I've ever liked always ends up being out of reach for years. and every single time something starts going well for me, it turns around, kicks me in the balls, then carves a giant gash in my back before pouring salt and lemon juice into it. I just don't see a point, if I die young I'm a sop story, if I live my life will most likely suck, and if I commit suicide I'm the most selfish person in the world. What should I do?

Stuff I want to do

You know, it's impossible to know exactly what you want to do in life. People go thier entire lives with no idea of their true purpose. Just recently I realized that one of the things I want to do is to build a raft, big enough for me and a few other things, and just push it out into the middle of a lake and go fishing. It may not seem like that exciting of a dream but hey, it is WAY more possible than becoming a celebrity. Another thing I think would be cool is if a bunch of my friends just got together and we had an enormous swordfight. That one seems odd and is unlikely but with enough heart behind it anything is possible. One thing I never understood about people is how they are afraid of pain, ask anybody if they would rather be impaled but survive or instantly die. Almost everybody would say die, it's ridiculous how much fear is behind something that won't kill you. Another thing I'd want to try is putting on a mask and just beating the crap out of criminals, THAT would be fun, only trouble is the law frowns on that kind of stuff but hey, what are they gonna do? I guess I'm trying to say that there is a whole world of different things out there for people to try and they only ever look at the superficial mainstream stuff.

Conformity

It seems as though society as a whole is built like a stream, I always think of water running down the side of a street because it always comes from somewhere else but builds into a raging torrent that drags the smaller streams into it without a thought. But there are always little places where the water splits off and begins it's own river down the road just wanting to be free from the original but ending up gathering more and more water until it too becomes a raging torrent. To avoid this only the places where water pools and just sits and doesn't move anywhere or is told to do anything seem to be the places which are unaffected. Conformity is like this because of how it drags people into itself and doesn't let them leave but there are also people who just sit outside of it in their own worlds with nobodys actions dictating them what to do or say. To those people I congratulate them on this front, not an easy thing to do by all means seperate yourself and realize what it was to be involved for even a short time.

My First Blog

I've never blogged before, it's a little exhilarating making my thoughts known to the public. Mind you, alot of them are not always something you would agree with but they are my thoughts and I can think what I want.
Have you ever been in a position where you have no idea where to go next? Like you can't think of anything to do with your time or if you just aren't interested in any of the things you could be doing at the moment? I have, I've been in that position alot and usually I find myself deciding that the best thing to do is either to call a friend or just get on youtube. But this doesn't make it go away because it always comes back and you do the same things again and again until you aren't interested in doing them either. I feel like I'm ranting kinda funny because right now I'm just imagining talking to a shadow and that there could be hundreds of people within it.
I'm always thinking why am I the way I am, always having the bad things that happen to me happen and how nobody else could be going through the same thing. The astounding truth of that? People are going through worse all over the world, and I just think what happened to me was bad I bet one of those people would pay a million dollars to be me at that point.